Web Curios 06/09/13

Web Curios 06/09/13

 

5 day weeks are LONG. Long and displeasing. Mine has mostly been characterised by writing slightly begging-ish emails to people and feeling moderately ashamed about it. What has yours been characterised by, webmongs? A creeping sensation that the best of the year is now over and that all we have to look forward to is shortening nights, the smell of wet dog on the underground and the annual orgy of depression and conspicuous consumption that is Christmas? The realisation that you've still not achieved 80% of your list of new year's resolutions?
The knowledge that whatever you do you will never be worth £100million to anyone? 

Noone knows what your week has been characterised by, webmongs, as we are all fundamentally alone and noone will EVER really understand us. With that cheery little thought ringing in your heads, let's now don the protective gloves and eyewear of the information miner as we once again approach the coalface of knowledge and prepare to drive the pickaxe of enqiry right into the heart of the internet's most promising and vulnerable seams, whilst hoping that our exploration doesn't uncover anything too nasty. I AM YOUR CANARY, WEBMONGS, AND THIS IS WEB CURIOS.
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Web Curios 30/08/13

Web Curios 30/08/13

 

A short week, huzzah! And yet one in which we've narrowly avoided international violence (worth remembering, by the way, that what's happening in Syria is, on balance, perhaps more important than the machinations of our parliamentary democracy, fascinating of course as that is) and have ushered in a brave new world in which you may well have an awkward and confused conversation with a grandparent around Christmastime about exactly what 'twerking' is. Great times, great times!

Let's not waste the imminent weekend worrying about the possibility of a Franz Ferdinand moment in the Middle East! Let's instead embrace the forthcoming two days of indolence by stapling our eyelids to our eyebrows for the next hour or so and preparing to ingest a whole 96-hours' worth of internet through our eyeballs. Prepare to weep hot, salty tears of information blood - HAPPY TEARS - as we delve once more into the seething mass of largely useless ephemera that is WEB CURIOS!
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Web Curios 23/08/13

Web Curios 23/08/13

 

This edition of Curios is brought to you courtesy of the NHS, who this week very kindly deigned to treat my spider bite-induced cellulitis (I don't advise you Google that, in all honesty). There was a moment mid-week when I thought I was going to have to write this from hospital, which would have led to a much-reduced and a lot more family-friendly version of Curios, as a result of the hospital WiFi's inexplicable decision to block access to what it deemed 'adult content'. Look, I love the NHS but really  - if there was ever a time when men and women could do with a bit of a lift courtesy of some titillating content it's when they're lying in bed, hooked up to an IV drip and listening to their wardmate play Radio1 at nosebleed volume and being TOO DAMNED POLITE to do anything about it. 

Anyway, as a result of my enforced stay in a sickbed this week there may be a little less here than usual. I AM SORRY ABOUT THAT. By way of compensation, though, it's a Bank Holiday weekend. The Lord gives, and he takes away. 

So now, as we continue the medical theme, let us burrow like hungry maggots into the mouldering corpse of the week's web, only to emerge at the other end as glistening flies, fat on knowledge and ready to soar towards the weekend only to be sacrificed on the flypaper of the post-long weekend comedown on Tuesday. That's right, boys and girls, it's WEB CURIOS!
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Web Curios 16/08/13

Web Curios 16/08/13

 

GUESS WHO IS BACK? NO, IT IS NOT MARK MORRISON IT IS ME! And I am better than Mark Morrison because I have never got someone else to pretend to be me in order to get out of doing some community service, so I WIN.

Did you miss me? DID YOU? Did you spend last Friday staring blankly at your computer screens, not knowing what to make of yourselves, and wallowing in ignorance like pigs in filth? Of course you didn't. You barely noticed. Christ, I don't know why I bother, I really don't.

(AN ASIDE - there will be an ACTUAL PRESENT for anyone who can tell me which novel I have ripped off that 'pigs in filth'. No really, there will be - tell me your answer via Twitter and I will send you a THING. It might even be good (it won't be good)).

Anyway, I am back. My head is once again full of the accumulated infosnot that is the fruit of a week's worth (or, more accurately, 3.5 days) of web inhalation, so come closer and open your mouths so I can sneeze it RIGHT INTO YOUR FACES. Yes, this overheated and slightly nauseating prose can only mean one thing - Web Curios.
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Web Curios 02/08/13

Web Curios 02/08/13

God, it's been a truly terrible week for people not being absolutely dreadful to each other. Really, can we not all just get along and be nice? There's already been far too much said / written about the Twitter troll thingamijig, so I'm just going to point you in the direction of some of the better stuff - like these two pieces, by the increasingly good Mic Wright, this one by someone whose job it is to do moderation on a daily basis, this one which is probably the best practical suggestion I've yet seen, and this piece by Lucy Inglis which is simply worth reading regardless of your thoughts - or lack thereof - on the whole thing.

People are often really, really horrible. The internet doesn't make them so, it just means we get to see that horror up-close and in high-definition detail.

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Web Curios 26/07/13

Web Curios 26/07/13
So, a THING happened this week. I'm going to have to mention it below, for which apologies, but really there's only one thing you need to read about it and you can find it here.

Otherwise it's been much as it ever is. Warm, busy, stressful, LONG, leavened by occasional moments of muddlesome confusion and cathartic, frightened laughter. LIFE IS WEIRD. I'm off to the SEASIDE in about an hour, which inevitably presages rain - you, though, have ALL AFTERNOON to slather yourselves in the moisturising, nourishing infocream that is this week's WEB CURIOS!
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Web Curios 19/07/13

Web Curios 19/07/13

HOT. IT IS SO HOT. WE ARE ALL MELTING. And yet, somehow, we are still finding the strength to whinge about just how hot it is. Oh England, how do I love your schizophrenic approach to the weather and your appreciation thereof? Let me count the ways!

*counts*

Hm, that was quick. Anyway, this week I am once again strapped for time, so without further ado let us plunge headlong into the cooling pond of internets (a pond which may, on closer inspection, be found to contain potentially fatally polluted water) which is this week's WEB CURIOS!

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Web Curios 12/07/13

Web Curios 12/07/13
Right, I have about 10 minutes to write this bit before I have to put some pants on and go to Slough for a meeting. You're getting off lightly.

Think of me this afternoon, drinking bitterly alone in the Wernham Hogg, as you get to gorge yourself on the rich buffet of high-quality internet canapes I have lovingly collected for you. The least you could do is pretend to be grateful.

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Web Curios 05/07/13

Web Curios 05/07/13

DEAR GOD, WHAT A MESS THE WORLD'S IN. No, not the people who are currently STILL suffering from Glastonbury (my friend Dave had to come to my house to borrow a towel at 9am this morning on his way to work - this is the behaviour of a man who's still feeling the aftereffects of some HARD PARTYING in a field last weekend), just everything else. If you want a microcosmic representation of everything that's wrong with society RIGHT NOW, here it is

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Web Curios 28/06/2013

Web Curios 28/06/2013

Blimey, this week has been LONG - I think that this .gif most adequately represents my state of mind for much of it. Look, let's be honest, most of you are at that bloody festival which I am too bitter about not attending to even name (AND WHY ISN'T IT RAINING? It's especially rubbish when you aren't at TBFWIATBANATEN and you don't even get to indulge in mudswampschadenfreudeporn) and noone really reads this upfront bit anyway. Let's all agree to forget I even started writing this bit, in fact, and get straight on with the important work of READING ALL OF THE INTERNET (that's a lie, by the way - read all of the internet so that you don't have to). All you kids who didn't get tickets to TBFWIATBANATEN and are faced with the prospect of people telling you how AMAZING it was for the next month - join me and blot out the world with the great psychic muffler of webmongery that is WEB CURIOS!

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Web Curios 21/06/13

Web Curios 21/06/13

GAH! SO MUCH TO DO! I am meant to be going on a stag do in about 2 hours; that's not going to happen. I simply don't have TIME to do a linky recap of stuff that's been going on this week - look, BrazilSaatchiSyriaInternetpr0nVICEGraffitiStuartHallCannesLions...there you go. There's been other stuff too but that's probably covered below. Happy Friday, EVERYONE - read, enjoy and bask in the skin-flaying intensity that is a full week's worth of Web Curios. I'm off to soak my typing fingers in a waterbath for a bit.

 
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Web Curios 14/06/13

Web Curios 14/06/13

Before we start, let's get one thing straight - YOU CANNOT GET INTO TROUBLE FOR READING WEB CURIOS. The Government does not mind. Your employer might, admittedly, but the Government? They couldn't give a flying one

Yep, this week's been dominated by PRISM and related things - more on that below, but up here you can see what the internet would look like without PRISM companiessome ways you can hide from it all (PROTIP - THERE IS NOWHERE TO HIDE), the really scary stuff about how people have been spying on you FOR AGES, and the inevitable Twitter parody account. What more could you ask for? What do you mean, 'the ability to freely access information without surveillance?' BURN THE COMMUNISTS!

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Web Curios 07/06/13

Web Curios 07/06/13

Another week, another 7 days to get reacquainted with the feeling that there is simply too much stuff happening all the time and there is simply NO WAY we can keep up and God it's stressful I JUST WANT TO SLOW DOWN FOR A SECOND. 

Ahem. Obviously the big thing this week has been Turkey, and assorted issues around the protests there and how they are being received by society and media. It was also the week, though, when we were given a heartbreaking reminder of Bradley Manning's continued existence, we learnt that romance REALLY IS now dead (although perhaps less so if you are an anarchist), that American PSAs really do give the best life advice, that you can make surprisingly effective points whilst wearing a watermelon bra, and that some people are REALLY good at YoYoing

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Web Curios 31/05/13

Web Curios 31/05/13

HELLO WEBMONGS! Things are somewhat more cheery this week, helped in no small part by the 4-day week. God love the 4-day week (admittedly I worked on Monday, but you get the point). Anyway, it's been a decent few days - I went to Field Day and saw some bands, along with several thousand people who ALL LOOKED THE SAME, I saw THEATRE, did really, really badly in a pub quiz but redeemed myself with unexpected knowledge of the lyrics to this masterpiece, and found this great little video of an amorous giraffe. Nobel Prizes have been awarded for less. 

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Web Curios 24/05/13

Web Curios 24/05/13

I had a whole thing worked out for this first bit, featuring a really romantic story that cannot fail to warm your heart, a couple of gags about the new XBox, the best reaction to classrooom criticism you'll ever see, and the best wrong number text message conversation you will ever see

And then Wednesday happened, and I sort of lost the appetite for it somewhat. It would be funny to see idiots all over the internet blaming otherwise-blameless fabrics 'muslins' for everything were it not so incredibly depressing. 

Anyway, onwards with the stuff. Thank heavens for the bank holiday.
*looks outside*

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Web Curios 17/05/13

Web Curios 17/05/13

It was pointed out to me this week that, were you to click on every single link in this thing as well as reading my overblown prose, the whole thing would take you about 7 hours to get through. Look, what can I say? I'm SORRY. It's just that there's a lot of stuff out there and I WANT TO SHOW YOU ALL OF IT. Just bear in mind that no one reads everything (except me) - really, no one, not even my mum. You're under no obligation. Although obviously it's ALL GOLD.

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Web Curios 10/05/13

Web Curios 10/05/13

HELLO! I know we always say this, but it really has been an odd week. Between the collective media furore over a septuagenarian's retirement, the sad death of the king of the skellingtons, a very odd thing happening in the world of hiphop, the internet elevating an unlikely hero to cult status (whether for good or ill), the startling revelation that maybe the whole otherkin thing has been made up by bored teenagers, the best Google doodle yet, and the unveiling of almost certainly the oddest (worst?) centenary mascot ever devised, there's been a lot going on. 

I was being best man at a wedding last weekend, which meant that I had scarcely ANY TIME to read the internet. So if you've seen everything that follows already, tough luck. I'm only bloody human, you know. STOP PICKING ON ME. In any case, let me take you by the hand and lead you through the websites of the internet; I will show you something that will make you...er...question the wisdom of clicking any of these links, quite possibly. ONWARDS! 

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Web Curios 03/05/13

Web Curios 03/05/13

You now how ordinarily I write some stuff here about the last week, what I've done, etc etc etc? This week I have NOTHING. Literally nothing. Too much work, too little sleep (self-inflicted), and a general sense of mild annoyance at the whole UKIP thing that we've worken up to today means that you can get straight to the GOOD stuff (ie the stuff that doesn't really have anything to do with me. Go on, be grateful. YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE AND ENJOY THE BANK HOLIDAY UNTIL YOU'VE READ EVERYTHING (that's not true, I promise). 

Have a lovely 3 day weekend, webmongs, particularly those of you heading to this on Sunday. ENJOY YOURSELVES!

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Web Curios 26/04/13

Web Curios 26/04/13

I AM BACK! You're lucky that I'm on a tight deadline this week, so you're not going to have to suffer anywhere near as much as usual with the poorly constructed attempts to pull together an opening narrative. Suffice it to say, though, that I learned a lot in my absence - about abhorrent rapper Pitbull's inexplicable popularity in the Americas; about the fact that there really are songs played in public these days which would make the OutHere Brothers blush; about how there is almost no song in the world that can't be improved by being covered in Spanish with a lounge/bossanova backing...like Bohemian Rhapsody, for example. So much. But most of all I have learnt that I really quite like being away from the internet for a fortnight. You should try it, it's healthy.

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Web Curios 05/04/13

Web Curios 05/04/13

Last weekend was Easter. Ah, Easter. It's amazing how quickly the glow of a 4-day weekend can fade in the face of the annual cavalcade of companies lying to us and pretending its funny, though - also, for an April Fool to count doesn't there have to be at least some possibility, however minimal, that someone might believe the 'hoax'? Anyway, it made me angry, just like this person.

BUT then I got distracted by the saddest life in all of the world, a young man who's putting an early but spirited challenge for the title of worst human being on the entire planet (and that's including the man who wants to kill us all with BOMBS), the most horrible article of clothing ever devised, the best art gallery cafe EVER, the greatest Ninja in all of the Western World, the strange case of the man who got high on music, the oddest fetish-meme I've seen in a long, long time, and a truly unlikely - and unpleasant sounding - fatal argument between friends in Russia.

Of course, then I properly looked into the benefits reforms that kicked in this week, read this piece on the concentration of the super-rich around the world (circa 0.1% of Londoners have more than $30million in the bank, fact fans), and watched as people use a really sad story as a political football and got all depressed again. But it's ok, though, as I am going on holiday for two weeks tomorrow. 

Yes, that's right, it will be 3 WHOLE WEEKS until your next dose of Web Curios. I've made sure to make this one EXTRA GOOD, though (I haven't really, it's the same old tired collection of accumulated scraps and poorly-worked prose as it ever was). In my absence, feel free to mount some sort of candlelit vigil. Anyway, without further ado, let's give the internet a colonoscopy TOGETHER!

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